if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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