I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
