Please, let me fuck your mom
It's Friday. Sex?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
