I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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