Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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