mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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