So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
