my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
try to milk me bitch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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