She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
