genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
