so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My penis needs a shock collar
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
