Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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