so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
