In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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