is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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