Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
