I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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