see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
