You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
