Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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