I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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