the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
