Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
