Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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