I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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