he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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