Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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