shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
