one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
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