i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize