I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
