Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
