how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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