Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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