I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
