I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
