you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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