I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
