they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
