im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
