I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
