There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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