it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
