Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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