I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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