why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
