just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
