let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There r osticjed everywhere
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
