whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
