I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
