those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
