Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
