Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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