haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
