BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
