We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
