If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
