I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
