Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
