Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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