don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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