At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
