very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
