dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
