And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just pee around me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
