Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
