We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
