He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
