oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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