imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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