i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
