This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
