Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
